Valentine’s Day is here...
For years and years, it seemed that cupid missed his shot when it came to me.
I mean where did he even learn how to shoot?
Did he need to reset his GPS?
Apparently not, because I kept seeing women bragging about how they had been struck:
Mystery flowers, candies, balloons and the most coveted…
My heart craved.
Of course, I know flowers and candies no more confirm true love than my leggings confirm I work out, but seeing these expressions of love, regardless of the sincerity, pricked at the widening hole I was desperate to console.
I often found myself drowning the hole with
Ice cream…lots of ice cream, or chips or sometimes even a slice of cake (or two), (or three). Ok, I’ll admit…a whole cake.
Whatever it took to quiet the silent yearnings screaming my name.
And just so you know, marriage doesn’t fill the hole, at least not permanently.
For years, I craved and at times demanded my husband shove expressions of love in that hole.
I was a wife of 10 years and mom of 5 with the dream job, living in her dream home, and yet living on an empty love tank.
At times, my attitude was nuts and behavior crazy, but I wasn’t crazy.
I was desperate.
And in my best Iyanla voice, I knew, “Naj, you in trouble girl.”
I was a real-life desperate wife,
And nothing seemed to quell my inner screams to know I was the most important girl in his world, that he couldn’t live without me, that he’d be there for me no matter what, and whisper that he’d never leave me or forsake me.
I wanted a love letter he could never give -- that required a check with more zeros than he had the capacity to write.
I yearned to withdraw my worth, affirmation, adoration, admiration from him...a mere human.
The more I coach women, the more I see a pattern of demanding checks from people unable to cash them...people often with their own overdrawn account.
I had to learn my own signature was valuable, one-of-a-kind in fact, and within me lived deposits from an unlimited source…a source with perfect credit. But until I realized I had access to that account, I would never take out the pen and write the check.
So today I ask, “Sis, when is the last time you wrote a check from you …to you?”
Maybe it’s time you wrote the check you really want from an account you can’t overdraw. Maybe it’s time you write the love letter to yourself you always wanted to receive.
A letter that whispers the sweet somethings you always wanted to hear…a letter that reminds you of the shining gem you are, even if it’s been dulled.
You deserve that letter, and I hope you’re ready to write it...to give you…you…all of you…every part of you that makes you you.
Here’s an excerpt from the love letter I wrote to myself, I pray it inspires you to write your own:
Most Beautiful Naj,
My have I missed you. I missed your radiant smile. I missed the way your gap parades your confidence in every way. It’s been too long since we last talked --- at least in a loving way. I can’t wait to re-connect, to learn you all over again. Naj, please forgive me for my absence. I’m not sure I ever really shared just how much you mean to me. Your unrelenting willingness to pull from the strength God placed within you. Because of it, you have withstood things that could have caused you to crumble. Yet, here you stand wearing your battle scars like the warrior you are. I am sorry for treating you like you were some ordinary girl. Ordinary couldn’t be farther from the truth of who you are. Naj, you are the rarest of exquisite gems. You shine so bright most cannot even handle the light — the light that radiates from the face of the One who made you. His joy oozes from your heart. His kindness in you is a magnet to the hurting and broken hearted. My most beautiful Naj, there is nothing ordinary about you. You are exceptionally stunning, extravagantly glowing, and masterfully created to become the most original, priceless masterpiece of its own kind. Bids are off the table because your value is immeasurable. While the road has not been easy, I am grateful we traversed it together. I am grateful that although you’ve been knocked down, the wind snatched from beneath your wings, you still chose to fly. You took pit stops to rest, but though weary, you mounted up on strength that could only come from up above and you soared. I promise to never leave you again. I promise to never forsake you and to always stand by and up for you. I will amplify your voice and stand tall before men because if God be for you who could ever be against you. I believe in you and the God who daily restores you. May you never forget who you are and all that you were created to become.
To endless possibilities.
Your forever teammate,
Naj & The God that Loves You
Now, it's your turn to pull out a piece of paper and whisper to you all words you deserve to hear. The Love in your life (not just of your life) is worthy of celebration. So, stop waiting to receive the gifts you first need to give yourself. For a list of perfect gift ideas you can give yourself Click Here.
Najah Drakes is a Work-Life Balance Strategist, Personal Development Coach, and Self Care Expert at Spark Her Blaze. She helps successful women to purposefully achieve as much success in their personal lives as they do in their professional lives. After over 20 years of working with multi-million dollar companies, Najah now uses her strategic and data analysis skills to help women harness the data of their lives to empower them to live more purposefully physically, mentally, and spiritually.
She can be reached at email@example.com
LinkedIn: Najah (Ade) Drakes